Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Freedom and Relationships

 Sex and sexuality are part of being adult humans, whether we are having sex or not it’s part of who we are. Sex is an integral part of any relationship and it can also be one of the most problematic aspects. As we move through our lives our sexual attitudes, interests, tastes, desires, responses and needs change. So many things impact on how we respond and behave sexually, how we feel about ourselves as sexual beings can be a very positive influence in our lives, but it can also be a hinderance and hold many people back in areas of their lives that have nothing to do with sex. 

Sex is still a taboo subject and one that is still full of misinformation, often attached to shame and guilt . Society gives out mixed messages about sex, what is normal, the kind of sex you should be having, how you should feel, how often you should have sex and how. The worlds media tells us how we should look, what sexy is, what we should wear and that if you don’t fit into that mould you are not good enough. TV and film romanticise sex, never a mishap or a wet patch and everyone orgasms at the same time. Pornography does the opposite- no connection, no foreplay and usually penetration focused.  

In truth great sex isn’t about penetration and/ or orgasms, it’s about the ability to let go, to enjoy another person and to give ourselves permission to be enjoyed. Great sex comes from  feeling good about ourselves, knowing what we want and being able to communicate that, it’s about being able to explore our sexuality and tastes, to say no when we need or want to and not  feel guilt or shame about our sexual selves.   To be confident sexually we must also accept that even sexually we are unique, that being good at sex is a learned thing and something we keep on learning as we age, as our relationships change or evolve and as our circumstances change. Sex can be one of the greatest and enjoyable experiences in our lives, but it is a messy process and can at times be a cause of anxiety and that anxiety can often take away our ability and desire to have sex at all.